Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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