is your mom at the bar?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
