My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
