Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my being single is dangerous.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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