It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
