So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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