i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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