Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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