I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
