Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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