12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
