Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
