So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
