i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
