You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
