the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
