I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
