Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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