shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
