just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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