Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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