Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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