remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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