well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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