if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
