They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
