Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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