I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
