i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
