You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
