Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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