Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
