A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
