we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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