This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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