Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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