Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
