But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
