before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
