for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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