I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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