tell your sister to shave her snatch
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
