I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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