new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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