This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
