Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
