Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
