spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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