I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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