I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize