I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
