The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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