please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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