I am puke
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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