you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
