Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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