In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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