I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
