she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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