return my video game
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
