I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
