i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
