i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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