i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
as a side note pls kill me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
