Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
