Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
