i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
