I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
