I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
