oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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